equivocations | open rp post

"A tour would be nice," he replies. "And some day, perhaps, I'll take you on a tour of Yunmeng. It's warmer than here. And there's..."

There's a sense of unrestraint in Yunmeng. Something he noticed upon setting foot in the Cloud Recesses.

"There's other delicacies that I would like for you to try. Though there tends to be more meat there, I know of a few vegetarian dishes that would be more suitable for your palette."

He wishes it were something else. He wishes every happiness on the Lan prince. He wishes every happiness on himself but he knows what that would look like. He clears his throat.

"...but I heard that Gusu and the Cloud Recesses are quite beautiful in their own way."

He sips at his tea as he watches Jiang Wanyin talk about his kingdom - their kingdom, one day, the same way Gusu will be Jiang Wanyin's as much at it is his - and it brings a faint smile to his lips.

"I have heard the same about Yunmeng. I am looking forward to seeing it all with you." For a moment, he almost considers telling him that he has a friend in the Jiang kingdom, but...

He has told no one but Wangji about his tiger, and even then not everything. It is not something he can discuss with anyone else.

"The best tours are done by someone who loves their kingdom very much, and I can see that in you." He is reasonably sure that Jiang Wanyin would not be here if he didn't love his kingdom, the same as Lan Xichen.

"I hope you will come to enjoy Gusu and Cloud Recesses as well."

It’s on the tip of his tongue. He has enjoyed some parts of Gusu. The ones revealed by his dragon friend. But perhaps he couldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t. It would look bad and he couldn’t compromise their marriage. What would haven if he recognized his dragon friend as one of his subjects? Ignore him?

“Surely, I will as it produced someone as kind and handsome as yourself.”

Though not as kind minded and warm hearted as his dragon.

“I’m afraid I will not be able to attend dinner this evening.”

He ducks his head slightly at the compliment, busying himself by drinking the rest of his tea. Jiang Wanyin is not the first person to call him handsome or kind, but it is pleasing to know that at least he has made somewhat of a favorable impression on his husband to be.

Pleasing and guilt inducing, of course, considering he hasn't truly been kind today with as often as his thoughts have gone off with his tiger.

"Jiang Wanyin is as charming as he is handsome."

His brows furrow briefly when he says he won't be able to make it to dinner, then smooth out in understanding.

"Of course. You must be tired after your journey - I will speak with my uncle, and make sure you aren't disturbed."

He feels somewhat ashamed, but he must admit he's not entirely disappointed. It means he'll have more time to go look for his tiger tonight.

He waves off the compliment. A pang of guilt goes through him. He just needs time for one last goodbye to his dragon. One last time with him. Perhaps to even watch the sunrise together. To tell him how he feels and why they could no longer see each other.

“Yes. Thank you.”

If his mother could believe his excuse of fatigue from the journey as well then it would work out. He looks at Xichen.

“...just tonight, I swear to you.”

He stands and walks over to where Xichen is, bowing formally and taking his hand to kiss the back of it.

Charming indeed, despite that Jiang Wanyin waves off the compliment. Lan Xichen shifts his hand slightly to curl his fingers around his future husband's, giving a brief squeeze.

"Whenever you need," he counters. "Even when we are married, if you need a night to yourself, you will have it with no questions asked."

He certainly doesn't want Jiang Wanyin to feel trapped - he knows exactly how well that works out. Still, he can't help but feel even guiltier. Jiang Wanyin deserves someone who wants him there every day, who misses him when he's not around.

Someone who feels about him the way Lan Xichen feels about his tiger.

Regardless, after tonight, it will be over. He will tell his tiger goodbye, and Jiang Wanyin will be his future.

"Shall we meet tomorrow at noon, for lunch?"

He nods.

"Lunch. Then a tour of Gusu and the Cloud Recesses to familiarize myself with it and...perhaps you could show me some of your favorite spots."

Then he could watch the sunrise with his dragon. Spend as much time as possible with him before never seeing him again. Jiang Cheng feels a pang in his heart, a sadness for Xichen. Someone so kind deserves someone better; someone who isn't in love with someone else as his spouse. He squeezes his hand back, feeling that guilt compound within him. He knows that they could eventually grow close as partners, friends, but Lan Xichen will never have Jiang Cheng's heart - that belonged to his dragon.

"I would be delighted."

And he would, he does very much want to show Jiang Wanyin around his home, he wants him to like it, he wants to take him to his favorite spots, perhaps even share some that he's never even shown Wangji.

The fact that he wants to share them with his tiger more - that he wants to share all of them, share every last bit of himself with him - won't matter at all, after tonight.

He will never be in love with Jiang Wanyin, but he is determined to treat him better than anyone else ever could for as long as they are wed.

"Would you like me to show you to your quarters?"

Not that he would be there for very long. But it is one of his last nights as a bachelor more or less. Their wedding is set for tomorrow evening after all. Starting tomorrow, he and Xichen were to share a bed, to share chambers, to share...everything. Jiang Cheng nods, letting go of Xichen's hand and straightening again so that his betrothed could lead the way.

As they walk, Jiang Cheng has to take a moment to ask quietly, "have you heard from Wei Wuxian and your brother?"

Not that he would ever say it but he wanted to know his brother is happy.

Lan Xichen looks at him out of the corner of his eye for a long moment before he nods.

"I have not told my uncle, but yes. Wangji has written to tell me that they are safe, and he is as happy as I always hoped he would be."

Not in so many words, of course, but Lan Xichen knows his brother well enough to understand what he was saying.

He leaves out the fact that Wangji had expressed regret not for anything he'd done but for the fact that his actions had made things more difficult for Lan Xichen himself. Jiang Wanyin knows very well how the actions of their brothers had helped bring this about, and does not need the reminder.

He lets out a breath he doesn't realize that he had been holding when Xichen reports that Wangji had written. That meant that Wei Wuxian is happy as well. All this would be worth it to know that his brother is happy somewhere out there. He wishes that Wei Wuxian would write to him. But from their last explosive encounter, it isn't likely to happen anytime soon.

"I am glad you were able to hear from your brother."

When they approach his chambers, temporary as he is only temporarily a guest in the Cloud Recesses, he bows before Xichen, prince to prince.

"Thank you for your company and for sharing some of Gusu's delicacies with me."

"If there is anything you would like to say to your brother, I can include it when I respond to Wangji. He will not open it if requested."

It's quiet, and it's not an offer he would make to many - but this is one thing that he and Jiang Wanyin have in common, it seems. They both want their brothers to be happy, no matter what it means for them.

He bows back, equally as proper, offering him a small smile. "Sleep well, Jiang Wanyin. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"Sleep well, Lan Xichen."

Jiang Cheng slips into his chambers and shuts the door, locking it. He leans against it, touching his forehead against the door, still feeling that sadness for Xichen...the man deserves someone to love him, not Jiang Wanyin. Imperfect and closed off. Over time...long over time, he could...grow a certain kind of fondness to Lan Xichen. Perhaps. He puts out the candles, making sure all semblance of light had been snuffed to give the illusion that he is sleeping off the journey.

He walks over to the window and easily slips out in the quiet of the night. Once he lands on the ground, he shifts into his tiger form, giving a little sigh at the freedom he feels through his entire body. He bounds off in the shadows to where he and his dragon had agreed to meet this evening. He has to tell him. He has to tell him everything.

Lan Xichen stops by to see his uncle, first, making good on his promise to tell him that Jiang Wanyin is not to be disturbed, and that he and his future husband will spend the afternoon tomorrow alone together touring the area before the ceremony in the evening. He is... firmer, than he has been in the past, when stating what his decision is, but then he has already begun doing that more, and his uncle doesn't disagree.

They both know it won't be long before Lan Xichen officially takes over as king, and they both know that Lan Xichen agreeing to the arranged marriage is clear proof that he will always do what is best for the kingdom.

He retires for the night after that, but he's barely locked the doors to his quarters before he's launching himself out of his window, shifting into his dragon form as he does and taking off into the air.

It doesn't take long before he arrives at their agreed meeting point, though he spots his tiger already waiting there for him. He picks up his speed, landing close to him and immediately lunging over to greet him - by all but wrapping around him, pressing as close as possible and nuzzling his muzzle into his tiger's neck.

He keeps his eyes to the skies, knowing that his dragon would fly in as he always does. Jiang Cheng does his best to not jump when he lands, but meets him in his lunge, wrapping his arms and paws around him and tumbling to let his dragon comfort him and surround him. When he feels that muzzle against his neck, he turns and playfully captures that muzzle in his jaw, not really biting him but greeting him. There is a sadness as they tumble and Jiang Cheng revels in the few sweet moments he has with his dragon. He keeps his paws on him for as long as possible.

I need to tell you something. He says it through their telepathic bond.

Jiang Cheng gives a soft, almost mournful growl. He nuzzles against his dragon, not wanting to tell him yet. He knows he must but he is determined to spend the rest of his evening enjoying his dragon's presence.

There's a delighted laugh across their telepathic bond when his tiger's jaws close around his muzzle, his eyes half-shutting in contentment as they roll around. He shifts to meet one of his tiger's paws with his own talons, carefully pressing a little just to see the spread of his toe pads and claws. And lets himself imagine being in his human form, sinking his fingers into his tiger's fur, scratching along his spine, pressing his hand against his paws - or seeing his tiger's human form, if he had one, letting his dragon surround him even more completely than he can now, nuzzling into his human neck and perhaps even getting to have a lick.

Before he can get too carried away in his longing and start imagining them both as humans, that mournful growl cuts through his thoughts and reminds him of what he is supposed to be doing here.

And I you. His response is just as somber, and he nuzzles him back. Do you want to go first?

I won’t be able to see you anymore after tonight.

Jiang Cheng makes no move to leave his dragon. If anything, he burrows himself more against him, wanting to memorize everything about him.

But I want you to know that my heart is always yours. Only yours. And I want to spend the rest of tonight and the morning with you.

He gives another mournful rumble and allows him to spread his paws, allowing the press of the talons to sheathe and unsheathe his own claws, and to play with his toe pads. His free paw rests on the dragon’s other talons, feeling at the scales, cool and comforting.

Even though that is exactly what Lan Xichen came to say, it makes his chest ache at hearing it, at having it stated so completely. It isn't fair.

This is a love confession, this is what Lan Xichen had secretly hoped for - his feelings are reciprocated! And all he can do his make one of his own, and agree never to see the one whose heart he holds again.

I cannot see you anymore, either. He gives a sorrowful growl of his own, something that turns almost to a pained whimper at the end. My tiger, my heart. I will never love another, I want only you.

He wants this, how free they are with physical affection, how easy conversation comes for them, how safe and happy he feels in his tiger's presence. But this is not something he can have, and apparently, not something his tiger can have, either.

Are you promised to another too?

Jiang Cheng feels his heart break at the confession as well. Damn Wei Wuxian. Damn Lan Wangji. Damn the world. He gives another mournful sound and buries himself more against his dragon. He leans and licks broad strokes along his dragon’s neck, where he can reach, tucking and burrowing his head against the slim body.

Promised to another, just like him.

Let’s not trouble ourselves with that and give this last night to each other. I love you, my dragon, and I want to spend at least one night with you knowing it and knowing you love me too.

Lan Xichen stretches out his neck to give him more access, giving a contented rumble at the feel of the rough tongue over his scales. He twines himself around his tiger as much as he can, long body curling up around him and his tail wrapped loosely over his tiger's neck.

One last night together.

He wishes he could explain. That he could tell him why he has to do this - that if it were simply a matter of family obligation he would face his uncle's disappointment, he would defy tradition and break any rule he needed to in order to be with his tiger. There are a great many things he would give up for him.

But not his kingdom. Not his people. He cannot put his own happiness before them.

My heart, tell me one thing before I will not speak of it again. He hesitates for a moment before asking, because he is honestly not sure if he wants to know the answer. You are not in danger? Can you be happy, with the life you must lead?

He hates the idea of his tiger being happy with another, but he hates the idea that his beloved may not be happy even more. And he knows there are many things other than being able to be with the one you love that can lead to a fulfilled, contented life - they are the things that he is counting on to be content with his own.

But he doesn't know if his tiger's circumstances are the same. And while his own happiness cannot come before his kingdom - he is not certain what he will do, if his tiger is in trouble.

No, I am in no danger. Besides, I am able to defend myself should I ever be in danger.

The tips of his claws come out to gently poke at his dragon's body as a reminder that as docile as he is around his dragon, he still is a tiger in many, many ways. He retracts them and goes back to grooming and nuzzling around him, wanting to soak it all up before it's all taken away.

I would never be happy without you in my life, my dragon. But I can put my duties before my own happiness.

He uncurls and stands up on all four, making soft noises and scenting against the dragon's muzzle with his face. Xichen would never understand what it is like to be free like this. He would never pick up on the dragon's scent on him nor his scent on the dragon.

Show me your Gusu. So that if I pass by it again some day, it'll remind me of you. And perhaps I could sneak trinkets to you to show you that I still love you.

There's a soft chuckle across their telepathic bond, and he presses one of his talons to his tiger's paw again, extending his claws so he can admire them. I know. You are as fierce as you are lovely. In any battle, I would trust you at my side above all others. But I am still a dragon, and you are still my heart. I will always want to protect you.

As he suspected, he doesn't quite know what to do with that answer when he receives it. He gives an unhappy rumble, something close to a growl, but he nods and says no more on the subject. It seems his tiger's circumstances are similar to his own.

He stands up when his tiger does, enjoying the feel of him scenting along his muzzle. He is going to miss this, the freedom that comes with being in his dragon form - without his tiger, he suspects he will not have a reason to change so completely very often. He wonders how long it will take for him to feel limited in his human form, unable to fly, to see or smell as well, to stretch and curl around another -

No. Such thoughts are not for tonight. Tonight he is determined to enjoy his time with his tiger.

I want to give you something first, to remind you that you will always have my heart. It is a family tradition, something I have kept with me since I was a child, to give to the one I love. Will you trust me, and keep your eyes closed until I tell you?

Give me something?

He tilts his head, questioning what it is. But he closes his eyes slowly all the same, resisting the urge to keep one open to see what his dragon is doing, exactly.

He may not be able to shift and stretch and feel the power of being a tiger again once he and Xichen marry. Jiang Cheng mentally shakes the thought away. If only things had been different. But for now, he will receive something that his dragon would give him. Perhaps he'd be able to hold onto it without Xichen suspecting of anything. He curses himself internally for not bringing something for his dragon. He'd been so focused on just spending time with him.

Lan Xichen steps back, shifting his talons just enough that he can untie a slightly more ornate version of his forehead ribbon from around his back leg.

It is a risk, giving this to his tiger. The elegant silver cloud and tiny blue gems denote it as the marriage ribbon of the crown prince, different from any other Lan ribbon. But Jiang Wanyin will not know the difference tomorrow evening when he gives him a different ribbon, and unless his tiger asks about it, he will not know it is different from anyone else, either. There are more than enough Lans about that implying that he is one of them holds little bigger threat of discovery than his tiger knowing he is from Gusu.

He doubts his uncle will be paying enough attention during the ceremony to note the difference, either, and he's reasonably certain Jiang Wanyin won't want to wear it. Theirs is not a love match, after all.

His ribbon belongs to his tiger, and no one else. He stays partially shifted long enough to have the dexterity to tie his ribbon around his tiger's neck, and then lets his hands change all the way back to talons.

You can open your eyes.

He feels him step away and Jiang Cheng has to stop himself from reaching out and chasing after his dragon. He feels the shift in his dragon and a warm touch tie something around his neck. His ears flick, curious to know what it is that is being tied around him. But he keeps his eyes shut, just as the dragon asked. He feels the shift in magic to shift back into his dragon form again.

When he opens his eyes, he looks down, tilting his head this way and that to look. He looks at the dragon, then trots over to a small pool of water nearby, peering at his reflection in the moonlight. He looks at it, then looks at the dragon.

It's beautiful. I'll treasure it always.

He expects that he wouldn't need to explain it to Xichen. The man was respectful enough to not ask too many questions, he hopes. Perhaps he could keep it on his person underneath his clothes during the next day, for strength during the tour, the ceremony, and--Jiang Cheng shakes his head and flicks his ears before trotting back over to his dragon, scenting him once more.

Thank you. I wish I had brought something for you.

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