equivocations | open rp post

I won’t be able to see you anymore after tonight.

Jiang Cheng makes no move to leave his dragon. If anything, he burrows himself more against him, wanting to memorize everything about him.

But I want you to know that my heart is always yours. Only yours. And I want to spend the rest of tonight and the morning with you.

He gives another mournful rumble and allows him to spread his paws, allowing the press of the talons to sheathe and unsheathe his own claws, and to play with his toe pads. His free paw rests on the dragon’s other talons, feeling at the scales, cool and comforting.

Even though that is exactly what Lan Xichen came to say, it makes his chest ache at hearing it, at having it stated so completely. It isn't fair.

This is a love confession, this is what Lan Xichen had secretly hoped for - his feelings are reciprocated! And all he can do his make one of his own, and agree never to see the one whose heart he holds again.

I cannot see you anymore, either. He gives a sorrowful growl of his own, something that turns almost to a pained whimper at the end. My tiger, my heart. I will never love another, I want only you.

He wants this, how free they are with physical affection, how easy conversation comes for them, how safe and happy he feels in his tiger's presence. But this is not something he can have, and apparently, not something his tiger can have, either.

Are you promised to another too?

Jiang Cheng feels his heart break at the confession as well. Damn Wei Wuxian. Damn Lan Wangji. Damn the world. He gives another mournful sound and buries himself more against his dragon. He leans and licks broad strokes along his dragon’s neck, where he can reach, tucking and burrowing his head against the slim body.

Promised to another, just like him.

Let’s not trouble ourselves with that and give this last night to each other. I love you, my dragon, and I want to spend at least one night with you knowing it and knowing you love me too.

Lan Xichen stretches out his neck to give him more access, giving a contented rumble at the feel of the rough tongue over his scales. He twines himself around his tiger as much as he can, long body curling up around him and his tail wrapped loosely over his tiger's neck.

One last night together.

He wishes he could explain. That he could tell him why he has to do this - that if it were simply a matter of family obligation he would face his uncle's disappointment, he would defy tradition and break any rule he needed to in order to be with his tiger. There are a great many things he would give up for him.

But not his kingdom. Not his people. He cannot put his own happiness before them.

My heart, tell me one thing before I will not speak of it again. He hesitates for a moment before asking, because he is honestly not sure if he wants to know the answer. You are not in danger? Can you be happy, with the life you must lead?

He hates the idea of his tiger being happy with another, but he hates the idea that his beloved may not be happy even more. And he knows there are many things other than being able to be with the one you love that can lead to a fulfilled, contented life - they are the things that he is counting on to be content with his own.

But he doesn't know if his tiger's circumstances are the same. And while his own happiness cannot come before his kingdom - he is not certain what he will do, if his tiger is in trouble.

No, I am in no danger. Besides, I am able to defend myself should I ever be in danger.

The tips of his claws come out to gently poke at his dragon's body as a reminder that as docile as he is around his dragon, he still is a tiger in many, many ways. He retracts them and goes back to grooming and nuzzling around him, wanting to soak it all up before it's all taken away.

I would never be happy without you in my life, my dragon. But I can put my duties before my own happiness.

He uncurls and stands up on all four, making soft noises and scenting against the dragon's muzzle with his face. Xichen would never understand what it is like to be free like this. He would never pick up on the dragon's scent on him nor his scent on the dragon.

Show me your Gusu. So that if I pass by it again some day, it'll remind me of you. And perhaps I could sneak trinkets to you to show you that I still love you.

There's a soft chuckle across their telepathic bond, and he presses one of his talons to his tiger's paw again, extending his claws so he can admire them. I know. You are as fierce as you are lovely. In any battle, I would trust you at my side above all others. But I am still a dragon, and you are still my heart. I will always want to protect you.

As he suspected, he doesn't quite know what to do with that answer when he receives it. He gives an unhappy rumble, something close to a growl, but he nods and says no more on the subject. It seems his tiger's circumstances are similar to his own.

He stands up when his tiger does, enjoying the feel of him scenting along his muzzle. He is going to miss this, the freedom that comes with being in his dragon form - without his tiger, he suspects he will not have a reason to change so completely very often. He wonders how long it will take for him to feel limited in his human form, unable to fly, to see or smell as well, to stretch and curl around another -

No. Such thoughts are not for tonight. Tonight he is determined to enjoy his time with his tiger.

I want to give you something first, to remind you that you will always have my heart. It is a family tradition, something I have kept with me since I was a child, to give to the one I love. Will you trust me, and keep your eyes closed until I tell you?

Give me something?

He tilts his head, questioning what it is. But he closes his eyes slowly all the same, resisting the urge to keep one open to see what his dragon is doing, exactly.

He may not be able to shift and stretch and feel the power of being a tiger again once he and Xichen marry. Jiang Cheng mentally shakes the thought away. If only things had been different. But for now, he will receive something that his dragon would give him. Perhaps he'd be able to hold onto it without Xichen suspecting of anything. He curses himself internally for not bringing something for his dragon. He'd been so focused on just spending time with him.

Lan Xichen steps back, shifting his talons just enough that he can untie a slightly more ornate version of his forehead ribbon from around his back leg.

It is a risk, giving this to his tiger. The elegant silver cloud and tiny blue gems denote it as the marriage ribbon of the crown prince, different from any other Lan ribbon. But Jiang Wanyin will not know the difference tomorrow evening when he gives him a different ribbon, and unless his tiger asks about it, he will not know it is different from anyone else, either. There are more than enough Lans about that implying that he is one of them holds little bigger threat of discovery than his tiger knowing he is from Gusu.

He doubts his uncle will be paying enough attention during the ceremony to note the difference, either, and he's reasonably certain Jiang Wanyin won't want to wear it. Theirs is not a love match, after all.

His ribbon belongs to his tiger, and no one else. He stays partially shifted long enough to have the dexterity to tie his ribbon around his tiger's neck, and then lets his hands change all the way back to talons.

You can open your eyes.

He feels him step away and Jiang Cheng has to stop himself from reaching out and chasing after his dragon. He feels the shift in his dragon and a warm touch tie something around his neck. His ears flick, curious to know what it is that is being tied around him. But he keeps his eyes shut, just as the dragon asked. He feels the shift in magic to shift back into his dragon form again.

When he opens his eyes, he looks down, tilting his head this way and that to look. He looks at the dragon, then trots over to a small pool of water nearby, peering at his reflection in the moonlight. He looks at it, then looks at the dragon.

It's beautiful. I'll treasure it always.

He expects that he wouldn't need to explain it to Xichen. The man was respectful enough to not ask too many questions, he hopes. Perhaps he could keep it on his person underneath his clothes during the next day, for strength during the tour, the ceremony, and--Jiang Cheng shakes his head and flicks his ears before trotting back over to his dragon, scenting him once more.

Thank you. I wish I had brought something for you.

He watches his tiger look at his reflection, his ribbon wrapped securely around his neck, and - perhaps this was a mistake. Seeing him wear his marriage ribbon fills him with a sense of want so deep he can hardly breathe. This - this is the way it should be. This is all he wants, this quiet promise of devotion witnessed only by the two of them, tying his ribbon around his beloved and knowing that he will keep it safe for him.

The ceremony tomorrow will be nothing like this. He is not sure how he can look into Jiang Wanyin's eyes and promise to be devoted to him always - and yet he must, because after this he will be. After this, Jiang Wanyin will be more important to him than anything other than his kingdom and his family.

And if he knows that isn't true, if he knows there is a part of him that will always put his tiger first - it doesn't matter.

He lets his tiger scent him, giving a pleased rumble, and then carefully presses his forehead against his tiger's, mindful of his horns.

You brought me your heart. That is all I could ever want.

His heart breaks, knowing that the ceremony tomorrow will legally bind him to another. But his heart will forever be for his dragon. Jiang Cheng gives a low moan, sorrowful. There's a part of him that wanted to shift back into his human form; show his dragon all of him, tell him everything. But what would be the point? He would still need to leave his dragon and marry someone else.

Show me Gusu. Stay with me for tonight so we could have wonderful memories to stay with us even when we walk separate paths.

He gives another low sound before licking at his cheek and nuzzling and scenting his cheek gently, avoiding the horns carefully.

It hurts to hear his tiger make such sad sounds and be unable to do anything more than nuzzle him back. It's hardly the first time that they've been in pain around each other - being upset enough to run off by themselves in animal form is how they met, after all - but they've always been able to comfort each other.

There's nothing they can do now.

I love you. If this night is the last he can say it, he will do so as often as possible. Even though we will not see each other again, if ever you truly need me - you have only to send word, and I will come.

Then he closes his teeth lightly around his tiger's ear and gives it a playful tug.

Follow me. I know where we can get some dinner, and the perfect place to eat it.

He'd just been a cub then; angered and hurt that his father had fawned over Wei Wuxian who had just arrived at Lotus Pier. He had shifted, then ran off, and thought he had caught a fish when he latched onto the dragon's tail. They had become fast friends then, meeting again and again - in joy and in sadness, in pain, and in happiness. Already, he had honored his vows to the dragon that he will need to make to Xichen the next day.

Dinner better include meat of some sort. His tone is teasing, even within their minds.

Jiang Cheng lowered the front half of his body and stretches to get whatever kink out of his back from traveling.

Watching his tiger stretch like that, he's reminded once again of how cute he really is. He stretches one foreleg out, the sharp ends of his talons tucked in carefully, to run the back of them along his tiger's spine.

He'd told him more than once, when they were kids, that he was the cutest tiger he had ever seen - the cutest tiger in existence, taking into account that he hasn't exactly seen other tigers. Now he's pretty sure he doesn't even have to say it, with how familiar his pleased half-lidded eyes and lingering touch are, but he does anyway.

As much meat as you can eat, for the cutest tiger ever.

The food stalls he wants aren't actually too far from their meeting part, at least not with how fast they can both move in their animal forms, but he can't help but tackle his tiger to tumble around with him a few times on the way. He wants to enjoy it as much as he can, even if they haven't tussled much in one sitting since they were kids - he doesn't have to worry with his tiger, he knows that neither of them would ever hurt each other and they're both more than capable of holding their own.

As always, he admires the strong muscles under soft fur and sharp claws behind his adorable toe beans, his fluffy twitching tail and soft ears.

Eventually, they get to a point in the forest close enough to the town that there's a chance of running into people, and he pauses.

Wait here?

He playfully snarls whenever he feels the body of his dragon wind around him and tackle him to the ground. Jiang Cheng wriggles and writhes, trying to "pin" his dragon here and there until they reach the end of the forest. Jiang Cheng stays in the shadows and nods, taking the opportunity to clean his paws and arms. The air smells good with food smells from some of the stalls.

He doesn't resist licking along his dragon's cheek before he departs.

There's a sense of delight as he meets the snarls with playful growls of his own, twisting and rolling and beaming happily whenever one of them managed to pin the other. He mouths at his tiger's ears a few times, sometimes tugging, sometimes just nuzzling.

He rumbles happily at what he's considering a kiss goodbye, responding by flicking his tongue out to lick his tiger's nose.

Then he bounds off, waiting until he's out of sight before he shifts into his human form to head into town. The merchants recognize him, of course, wondering why he's buying so many rice and pork dumplings, fried meat buns, and cherry-shaped pork along with his usual mandarin fish and vegetarian fare - it only occurs to him after he says they're for a special friend that they'll probably assume it's for Jiang Wanyin.

He'll have to have some more sent over for the lunch they're supposed to have tomorrow - but right now all he can think about is getting back to his tiger.

It isn't long before he returns with his purchases, once again in dragon form. He's carrying one large bag of all of the meat and quite a few of the seafood dishes, and another smaller bag of his own snacks in his mouth, tail swishing proudly behind him.

Now that we've got dinner, let me show you my favorite place in all of Gusu.

Will we need to fly there or will we run there?

He tilts his head and walks forward to sniff at the bags that his dragon carries. Jiang Cheng chuckles and snaps his teeth near him to tug at one of the bags to carry.

Let me help you carry these. It would be too suspicious to have a dragon carry such large bags of food.

He doesn't resist another lick to the dragon's cheek when he is close enough.

We can run most of the way, but we'll have to fly the last part. It is worth it, for the view of the stars.

There's laughter in return, and he teasingly keeps his grip on the bags for a moment when his tiger tugs at them before he lets him take one.

If my heart insists. Surely we will be much less suspicious as a tiger and a dragon with one bag each.

He eagerly tilts his head into the lick, then returns the gesture, long tongue snaking out to groom the fur on his tiger's forehead before he picks up one of the bags again.

Follow me? You'll know when we can run no further we when come to the foot of the mountain.

He closes his eyes slowly in response to the lick and holds the bag triumphantly. His heart feels so light, so happy. Jiang Cheng allows himself this feeling and this good thing to be his most treasured and happy memory. He pads around until he's beside his dragon and looks up at him.

Lead the way and I'll follow you.

His tail swishes happily as he takes off, bounding through the forest with his tiger at his side, and for the moment he couldn't be happier. For the moment, he can do what he's always done with his tiger - forget about whatever is upsetting him, disregard the composed Zewu-jun he always has to be with everyone else, let the rest of the world fade away until there is no yesterday or tomorrow, there's only him and his beloved.

When they reach the foot of the mountain, he kicks off into the air, hovering just above his tiger with forelegs outstretched in preparation to pick him up.

Ready?

Freedom. This is the freedom that he’s always loved having with his dragon. The night air, the freedom, the feeling of being so seen and cared for by someone.

He circles a few times before crouching and nodding.

Ready!

He drops down closer, until he can wrap his forelegs under his tiger's chest. His tail curls just under his tiger's back legs, to provide him some extra support and make it more comfortable as they fly. Then he hugs him close to his underbelly as he takes off.

It would be foolish, letting such a capable predator so close to his soft leg underbelly, were this any other tiger - but then it would be foolish for his tiger to allow himself to be carried off, were Lan Xichen any other dragon.

No one else has he ever trusted so completely like this.

He's mostly just going straight up, so it isn't long before they reach their destination. It's midway up the mountain, a small patch flat enough for a little forest and a pool fed by a mountain stream. The trees are sparse enough here that there is a perfectly clear view of the stars.

Xichen could never compare to the thrill and happiness that Jiang Cheng feels with his dragon. He tucks close against the Dragon's soft underbelly, purring at the soft comfort as he holds tight onto the bag of food. Not a single part of him is tense as it could be with any other being that could have carried him off. But then his dragon had flown with him since he was just a cub; Jiang Cheng is used to being held so firmly in the air.

It still is uncomfortable to see the ground lift away from him so Jiang Cheng just stares up toward his dragon, admiring the sleek and strong and capable body holding onto him.

When they arrive at their destination, Jiang Cheng has to remember to keep his mouth clamped around the bag and not stare in awe at the flat area that seems to be a perfect little slice of heaven.

Jiang Wanyin will never fly with him like this. He hopes, after they are both king and he is able to show his future husband his dragon form, that he will be accepting - but accepting is not understanding, accepting is not this. This freedom, of being at home in the sky and feeling the rumbling purrs of his tiger against his stomach, safe and warm.

He pushes it from his mind as best as he can when they land, instead focusing on his tiger's reaction.

I've never shown this to anyone else.

Not even Wangji, although his brother is certainly capable of finding it on his own. But he likes to think that he and his tiger are the only two who have been to this place in a long, long time.

When I was younger, after you reminded me that sometimes it was okay to be a little selfish, I used to flatter myself by imagining that it was made for me. For us, after I realized that you were the only one I wanted to share it with.

He sets the bag gently down on the ground and prowls the entire area before bounding back toward his dragon, leaning to scent him and lick at his cheek again.

It's beautiful. I can see why you love this place so much and want to keep it to yourself. to us.

Jiang Cheng moves next to him, purring loudly and rubbing the length of his body against his dragon's side. He nudges him eventually.

Come now, we shouldn't let your kill go to waste.

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